


The eye of the storm

by DigiConjurer



Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [35]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chapter 3, Dress Up, Drunkenness, F/F, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Having to spend four hours of your life waiting for Catherine and Byleth to do something., Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, M/M, Maids, Mozu to the rescue, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Teddy Bears, referenced homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21975220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigiConjurer/pseuds/DigiConjurer
Summary: Or, trying to tell a bunch of students that there mission is a maid cafe, except the narrator is drunk for part of that. On top of this whole idea starting to look like an attempt by the pope to make a bunch of people look bad.Also, Count Varley is coming to siege Gareg Mach and Byleth is without a door. Again.
Relationships: Caspar von Bergliez/Linhardt von Hevring, Dorothea Arnault/My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Bernadetta von Varley, Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra, Mozume | Mozu/Nyx, Petra Macneary/Mercedes von Martritz
Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1463725
Kudos: 5





	1. What aa big mess

I ddson't own fire eeemblem.

A new day. After what happened last time I can only ho-

‘Hi-yah!”

Byleth’s eyes shot open. Normally, she wasn’t one to wake up this early. Especially after that chaotic free time she had yesterday. But it was the sound of someone smashing through her door at the moment that woke the professor up. Not even taking the time to check the clock (it's 2:30 am on both her and my end), she scrambled on over to the living. The recently bought Switch not put in yet, but we do find Catherine of all people standing there. No thunderbrand, but that might be to not ruin her prized blade. Though, the choice of thunderbolt printed pajamas is a nice touch. Bedhead, not so much. Doubt our professor here has a hairbrush to fix it. Even if she did at the moment, there's a large hole where a front door should be. As for the door itself, that would be lying on the floor in a million pieces. Wonderful. Mercedes just had that replaced. At least let it last longer than a week. Okay, a week and change. But the point still stands, damn it. Hopefully whatever door replaces this one is a heck of a lot stronger.

“Catherine, what are you doing in my apartment at this ungodly hour?” Byleth screeched, their intruder just giving a shrug. Wrong answer.

“Rhea told me to come here first thing in the morning.” she remarked, whatever reason she was about to give better be flipping amazing. Especially since I also have to be up at this stupidly early hour. Maybe some of us enjoy being their partner's teddy bear. It's kind of like the whole wolfskin and kitsune transformation stone things. Except a lot more comfy and stuff. Probably what Keaton does. When he isn’t wearing that stupid batman mask. Yes, it was funny the first couple times. Now it isn’t. "So here I am."

Byleth took a deep breath. Part of her wanted to just fling Catherine out, but she got the feeling that wouldn’t be well liked. For the moment, it was as perfect of a time as any to just take a seat.

“I’m going to need you to wait till everyone else shows up.”

As it would turn, that would be another four, agonizing hours. Four hours where I had to sit on this stupid couch - awake, no less. I can’t really do anything for fear of waking up my absolute sweetpea of a wife. Time seems to laugh at me for the moment. I don’t really care, just move faster for the moment! At least for me. Mozu deserves her sleep.

Eventually, Hubert of all people approached the now open doorway. Though, he looks to be pulling one of those long clothing racks with wheels. No sign of Ferdinand for the moment. Guess we didn’t have a sleepover this time around.

“Here are the maid costumes.” the dark mage muttered, giving the currently broken door little attention. No, his focus was more on Byleth for the moment. “Is there something you want to say to me?”   
Byleth stood up, deep breath coming right after.

“So Hubert, by any chance did you sneak a look at the mission briefing?” Byleth remarked, her ‘opponent’s’ expression unchanged. Though, the look away from the professor at the last minute didn’t do him any favors.

“Maybe.” he muttered, gaze shifting over to Catherine right now. “Now, what’s she doing here?”

Catherine just chuckled, looking right towards our dark mage for the moment. Please don’t. There’s already enough destruction in the door alone. Don’t add onto it.

“Rhea instructed me to come here first thing in the morning.” Catherine remarked, finding herself now facing down a stink eye of sorts from our dark mage. Fair enough? I would’ve gone with a death glare, but oh well. Though, Petra’s arrival did force him to break it off for now.

“Am I bar- interrupting something right now?” the princess remarked, Byleth shaking her head for the moment.

“No.” Byleth answered, focusing as best she could on her student. “How do you feel about maid outfits?”

Peta’s gaze swung over to the costume rack. Taken by complete surprise, she’s back on Byleth for the moment.

“Uh… They look nice at least. But I’m a vassal of Brigid.” Petra remarked. “Do you realize how much disrespect you will inflict on me and my country?”

Byleth nodded. While she hadn’t thought of that, I think I have an idea on what Rhea’s intention is. Especially since this is an event that’s bound to bring out the news outlets and in turn become a far larger shitshow for all our parties involved. Sure, the church would come out on top. But it would then look like the alliance just got attacked by the empire. Fuck. You’ve all been played.

“Do you have any other outfit that you can pass as ‘maidlike’?” the professor remarked, Petra looking away for the moment. Which brought her right into Mercedes’s crosshairs. “And no, you can’t borrow one of Mercedes.”

Mercedes shot her teacher a look. She’s totally fucking valid here. I may or may not be liquoring up for this.

“Hold up.” the dom remarked, not sure what to focus on more for the moment. The maid dresses, Catherine or Byleth.”What this about asking me for an outfit?”

Byleth took a deep breath. Definitely shouldn’t have said that. But how is one supposed to know a person is coming without a dooer. Door is integral. Especially now that Dorothea appears without it.

“Hey…” the opera singer announced, looking towards the shitstorm that’s occuring right before her eyes. A deep breath followed. “So Maid Cafe?”

Byleth nodded. As proud as she was to keep that particular secret from her own students, Hubert had very much gave it away. Though, Dorothea might be one of the few to actually try on her maid outfit.

“There all your guy’s sizes.” Hubert remarked and pulled one off the rack - a bright red one. “Here you go.”

Dorothea nodded and took her new outfit to the bathroom. This is going to be good. Especially now that Bernadetta has now arrived. No Eeedelgard though. Probably running late or grabbing Linhardt and Caspar. Maybe both.

“What’s with the.” Bernadetta muttered, gaze already on the maid dresses for the moment. “Do you want me to have one of my moments?”

Byleth shook her head, not in the mood to bring any more mental grief. Though, I doubt she heard about the phone call, the drone heading right on through. Carrying a package frrom the looksie.

"No." Byleth answered, snagging the package from the drone. Then she's back on over to Bernadetta. "Is this yours?"

A nod, followed by the handing over of this unknown package. Taking a couple attempts to open, the archer pulled the contents out - a pair of dolls with an arrow ppierced through their stomach. A dick-shaped arrow. Guess we know who it came from.

_ I'm coming for you. _

_ You better be a good housewife or else _

"Miss Eisner, if my father truly believes that he can just take me away…" Bernadetta announced, clothes already beginning to come off. Shake that pretty ass! Shake it! "Now where's an apron I can wear for when Edelgard comes around. I'll be her proud, happy housewife."

Byleth grabbed hold of Bernadetta's hand. A slight squeeze followed. The shaking about stops and our archer focuses on the professor for the moment.

"Edelgard would prefer regular Bernadetta over housewife Bernadetta." Byleth answered, deep breath following the grabbing of a dark purple maid dress. Handing it to her student, Dorothea makes her return. All while Catherine munches down on an apple. Doesn't fucking matter where she got it. The retainer has it now.

"What do you think, Professor?" the opera singer remarked, witnessing the blushing cheeks of her girlfriend. A thumbs-up followed. Aww.

"So you're a maid now, Dorothea?" Petra remarked, Mercedes shaking her head. "Oh. You're dressing up as a maid then?"

Dorothea nodded aand watched Mercedes look over to her girlfriend.

"Are we certain you have anything that you can wear that's 'maidlike' or do I need to let you borrow one of my cleaner outfits?" the dom remarked, Petra looking away. Off the top of her head, she could only think of her rrgular schiopk unifron. How nice of Mercedes to offer one of hers.

.

Mozu ran down the hall. Normally, she wasn't one to run in her own home, but she had a feeling something was amiss. Thhere indeed was. Though, I was kind of hoping to get through all of this without her noticing. But the alchol is takigg a toll on me. Niot sureh ow much long r eally I'mm be able to do thais. Especially since the y still t4aren'y here. Wjy is this so hard, really? I've only td been up for 4 hours.

"Nyx dear, do you need me to narrate?" she asks and I just nod. Thank fuvk for my little sweetpea coming to the rescue. I just nod.


	2. A safe place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our 'dress rehearsal' continues, with Catherine talking about a typical day with Rhea.
> 
> Trigger warning for abuse.

I don't own fire emblem.

* * *

Now that I, (Mozu) is switching in for my dear wife, let this story continue on for the moment.

Currently, Bernadetta has returned from the bathroom. She looks absolutely divine in that uniform. Though, anything purple would look amazing on her.

"Is there one for me, Hubert?" Catherine remarked, just about ready to shove the core of her apple into that mouth of hers. You're really going to eat that? That's a good way to get an apple tree. Hey! Stop laughing. It happened! Once… So it's totally possible. I even have pictures. You really don't want to know why I do. It's better that way.

"I made sure to get a maid dress for everyone." the dark mage answered, pulling a maid dress off the rack. Quite a bit larger than the other outfits, there's only one person that it could fit. Handing it over to the retainer, his gaze shifted to Count Varley's warning. A sigh echoed out as he picked up the note and consumed it. "If he really wants to start a war between the empire and the church, we'll just put Bernadetta in charge of his department and territory."

Bernadetta did a double take, falling to the floor right after. The thought alone was just absurd. Her - Countess von Varley. The title had a nice ring to it. Which would be on top of the duties of her father's department and territory.

"I'll think about it…" she muttered, Edelgard making her entrance. Gazes meeting, the message comes on through crystal clear. 

“So we’re going to get sieged, wonderful.” the house leader remarked, gaze on Bernadetta for the moment. “Though, you do look nice.”

Bernadetta’s cheek went pink, the archer searching for a place to hide. Doesn’t really appear to be such a place for the moment. Even as Catherine makes her way back and what appears to be Mercedes and Petra head for Mercedes room. You would think they would listen at least to what Hubert says. Though, maybe our dom has something that could sort of represent Brigid customs. If not, you could always bling out the maid uniform.

Thankfully, our archer calmed down from her little freakout. For the moment at least, Bernadetta took a seat on the couch. Fair enough. Hopefully nothing bad happens (for the moment) and we can actually get to our mission briefing or something. Sorry. Just got up and need to make sure Nyx gets some actual sleep for the moment. A task that hasn’t been so bad. Especially since she’s turned herself in that wonderful plush form of her’s. Really should get her to teach me that. Though, the last time she tried to teach me anything magic went very horribly wrong. So, maybe not.

“So we’re doing a maid cafe, Professor?” Edelgard finally inquired, getting a nod from her teacher.

“We’re going to set up at Lord Lonato’s protest for some reason.” Byleth continued, Edelgard trying her best to hold the laughter in. Fair enough. This whole thing sounds like a complete and utter shitshow. “Not sure why we couldn’t go dressed as our usual selves?"

Edelgard took a deep breath. Of course a former mercenary would suggest something as dumb as that. 

“Because that would cause more strife between the church, empire and kingdom." the house leader explained and pulled what I can only assume to be her maid uniform. Though, Catherine isn't quite back yet. Wonder what's taking her so long? It's just trying on a dress and headband. Maybe even a set of shoes. Noth-

'Crash'

That isn't good. Even more so now that Byleth was heading for the bathroom to make sure nothing had been broken. Though judging by the door now sporting at least one hole currently, that looks to be far from the case. Wonder who’s going to pay for this. Catherine? Mercedes? Who can really say. Probably wait till the dust settles and things slow down to decide that.

"Catherine?" she called out, getting a look through the hole at the moment. While she looks to have gotten the uniform on, there looks to be some buttoning that’s tripped her up. Dang those fine motor skills. “Do you need some help?”

A sigh, followed by the sound of the bathroom door unlocking. Considering you’ve put a hole through it for the moment, that’s less than effective. Carefully, Byleth made her entrance.

“Thanks.” Catherine muttered, feeling Byleth’s arm brush against her back. “Normally, Shamir helps me get ready. But since she did something that pissed her off. Then she says that I belong to her alone.”  
Uh… that’s not healthy. Like, you should probably find someone who cares about you who isn’t controlling.

“Was Rhea… always like this?” the professor croaked out, unsure of how to feel about this. Pretty clear that this is an absolutely toxic situation that can easily spiral out of control. But was it really her place to intervene here?

“Maybe.” Catherine muttered and gazed down to the floor. Tears look ready to fall down. Too late, they’re cascading towards the floor. “I made some mistakes on the way, tried to clear them up. But in the end, sometimes it feels like I’m just an object.”

.

A woman sits on her knees. It’s quite late currently and her mistress has shown no signs of returning. If anything, the shouting down below has gotten louder. She would sleep, but her dreams are haunted by a former friend's face. A face that's ready to remind her of the crime that she helped allow to happen in the first place.

“Catherine, are you in there?” a voice calls out and the woman perks up. She heads for the door, pulling it open. There, another woman stands there - Shamir. Her clothes are ripped up with what looks to be splinters of wood sticking out. She's carrying a plate of food. Dinner, perhaps? "Good. You're alright."

The woman looks over to her companion, stomach rumbling. She had been late to breakfast and lunch hadn't even crossed her mind. Nonetheless, Shamir set the dish down. No real utensils, not that one would need those to eat a hamburger. Unless you're going for one of those bunless burgers or are eating it as a strange lettuce wrap. God forbid you do what Hisame did and pickle the damn thing. Not even Effie was able to eat that. It even smelled disgusting. But that's beyond the point. Mostly because the woman's mistress has decided now is as good of a time as any to make an appearance. Oh dear.

“What do you think you’re doing, bitch?” ‘mistress’ announced, chair flying over both her subjects for the moment. Then it’s right over to the plate. Picking it up, she consumes the burger in a single bite. How rude. At least leave a bite for the woman. She deserves it more than you ever do, bitch!

Oops. I woke Nyx up, My bad, dear. Go back to slumbering. As for Shamir, she decided to grab hold of the woman’s hand and pulled her back. But that just gets her thrown out of the room by the mistress. But not before muttering something under her breath. Even then, the sound of breaking things echoes about. And this woman is the fucking pope of all people. No wonder things are such a mess. Okay, that’s just part of that. We might never know the full story of that particular day.

Back in reality, Byleth took a deep breath. Part of her debated running this by Shamir first. But right now, she needed to play her part.

“If anything happens, my class is a safe place.” Byleth remarked, watching Catherine’s gaze return to her. Tears are still rolling down, but she feels slightly better now. “Feel free to stop by. Within reason, of course.”

The retainer nodded, feeling the last of the buttons slide into place. A deep breath of relief followed.

"Thank you." she whispered, gaze on the hole she created mere moments ago. Making their exit, it was back to the living room. Where on top of finding Sothis trying to figure out how to put her switch in, we have the rest of the boys. Oh my.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it would turn out, the task of telling everyone what the mission is spiraled out of control. Though, I get the feeling that we're nearing the end. Just one more chapter. Hopefully.  
> Let's be perfectly honest. Byleth should just start a hug club. Which exactly what it sounds like.
> 
> Next time, we have the boys and the return of Mercedes and Petra.


	3. Preperations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have the last of our people and Mozu says fuck.

I don't own fire emblem.

* * *

There was nothing that Caspar hated more than being woken up by someone else. Even if that someone else was Linhardt, the fighter was always in some kind of wonderful dream. Such as the dream he was in the middle of currently - being a retired warrior who had taken up farming and helped out orphans. That's quite a nice dream. Not much need for that, judging by the ability of most of Fodlan being able to feed themselves. Though it's not perfect. Look at Dorothea. The homeless still exist in places like Embarr. Hopefully they are able to find a place to stay in. But I digress. Mostly since someone was currently banging on his front door and weren’t showing any signs of stopping. 

"Caspar, you're needed for class!" a voice called out, Caspar rolling right out of bed. This looks to be a regular occurrence, since the area around the bed has a ring of padding surrounding it. Bit overkill if you ask me. But I sleep with a grabby teddy bear. What do I know?

As for the rest of the room, that had a bit of a pristine dare I even say... military feel. The walls are mostly plain, though someone has a set of Adrestian patches all framed up nicely off to the side. The floor surprisingly clean, with the padding being the only thing out of place.

"Coming!" he muttered and pulled himself off the floor. Not sure that sleeping in your own uniform is quite the best idea. Nyx did that back when we were with Corrin's army. Only when we were actually out in the field and were unable to wash clothes. Doesn’t stop Caspar from beating out a couple wrinkles and heading to the bathroom of all places. Guess the door isn’t that big of a deal, especially after getting woken up by said door. Priorities, I guess. Nonetheless, he takes the time to brush his teeth. Goes all the way with it. Even flosses and mouthwashes. Complete and utter overkill. Once he's done with that, now is the time to head to answer the door and that mysterious knocking sound. Pulling it open, we have Ferdinand of all people standing there.

“Ferdinand, what do you need?”

Ferdinand took a deep breath, fishing his phone out from his pants pocket. Turning it on, Caspar did a double take.

DukeAegir: Kid, get off your ass and go beat Count Varley with his own dick! I don’t care what it takes, but just do it. Damn it!

Uh… I’m not sure his dick is long enough to do that. It’s probably pretty tiny and withered from some kind of disease. Even then, I don’t believe Count Varley has his dick at the moment.

“Anything else?” Caspar remarked and received a sigh in return. You would think he would already know the answer to that question. “Linhardt?”

Ferdinand nodded and watched his classmate walked over to a nearby door and pass on through. Okay, that massive cat flap is ridiculous and somehow… useful in this situation. Never thought I would ever say that. Well, write that. Especially as a less-than-thrilled Linhardt gets carried out of the room. Wait. That means at some point, Caspar broke down his door. Quite rude of him, at least pick the lock first.

“Caspar, what are you doing?” Linhardt muttered, looking about his immediate area. Much like his boyfriend, he too had gone asleep in his own clothes. Though, there seems to have been an attempt at showering in said clothes. Not the weirdest thing I’ve seen. For better or worse.

Thankfully, the actual flight to Byleth’s apartment is quite quick. Which is probably for the best, considering that Caspar is still holding Linhardt for the moment. Stepping through, Byleth and Catherine were already standing there. Though, it would appear Edelgard had managed to sneak away and get her maid uniform on. Getting there, thank fuck.

“I’m guessing you need us to get changed?” Caspar remarked, getting a nod from the professor as he snatched two uniforms off of the rack. But not before setting down the scholar on the floor. This of all things was what woke Linhardt. Kind of impressive, even if he did stick the landing. A five. The chuckle from Hubert brought it down a point. 

"Didn't we help you get these?" the scholar remarked and got a chuckle from the dark mage at the moment. Though, he did make sure to grab his and Ferdinand’s uniforms. Then Linhardt and finally, Caspar.

“Can I trust you guys to not wake Sothis up?” Byleth remarked, only for the titular child to float on in. Show-off, especially with that movement towards the Switch. “Okay. Scratch that.”  
With that out of the way, our two couples made their way to the master bedroom. Of course, they made sure to lock the door. Don’t want anyone to enter for the moment and come in on four guys partially nude.

“Hubert, do you know of any place that I can get a big fake dick?” Ferdinand inquired, our dark mage trying his hardest to hold his laughter in. Then he looked back over to his boyfriend.

“What color?” the dark mage remarked and got a sigh in return. “If this is about Count Varley, we know.”  
That’s the big old homophobic elephant in the room. No good way to go about it. Sure, you can throw him in the catacombs, but eventually he’s going to break out. Kill him and then you have the nightmare of a time trying to rein what I can only assume to be the capital of Homophobia and other wonderful anti-LGBTQ shit. Just fuck all of them and what they stand for. Period.

“I doubt either of my parents would really throw him a bone.” Linhardt announced, somehow already in the uniform. Damn. “Especially with the phone call I had last night.”

Hubert shot the scholar a look.

“Spill.” the dark mage muttered, Caspar joining in on this glaring. Which kind of goes without saying, but okay.

“One of the maids castrated the Count.” Linhardt explained, deep breath following that statement. “The crazy thing is, he was claiming his own daughter ordered the maid to castrate him.”

The other boy’s gazes shot over to him. That sentence couldn’t possibly be true. There must have been some kind of mistake or perhaps shifting of blame (it’s the former, I assure you). Even if there somehow wasn’t, this situation could easily spiral out of control and possibly throw Fodlan into all out war.

Yet, Hubert took a deep breath. This was a massive gamble he was about take, one with a likely chance to blow up on both him and Edelgard in the long run. Yet, the dark mage let his gaze split between his classmates.

“No matter what happens, can you promise me that you’ll support Lady Edelgard?” he announced, silence falling over the pretty small bedroom. Which was the perfect opportunity to slip into his maid uniform.

“I guess?” Caspar remarked, gaze snapping to Linhardt for the briefest of moments. Then it’s right back to Hubert. “You’re kind of putting us all on the spot.”

“Caspar has a point.” Ferdinand added, not even giving his boyfriend a chance to really respond to the fighter. “I understand that the emperor is nearing his last days but you aren’t saying…”

Hubert looked away. While Ferdinand hadn’t completely gotten his uniform on, there’s was one or two buttons that looked to need buttoning. So the dark mage reached out to do just that. 

“It’s a possibility that we might need to start thinking about.” he continued and slipped the button through. “Count Varley is just the tip of the iceberg and I’m just afraid of history repeating itself.”

Before he had a chance to do the second button, Ferdinand put a hand on the dark mage’s shoulder.

“Hey.” Ferdinand remarked, Hubert focusing in on him for the moment. “No matter what happens, I’ll be there for you. Through thick and thin, no matter the circumstances. Within reason, of course.”

A nod, with our dark mage’s gaze turning to Caspar and Linhardt. They both give a nod, the latter finally in his maid uniform.

“It’s settled then.” Caspar announced and unlocked the door. Heading back through, we find everyone have gathered. Though, that doesn’t explain Petra’s outfit. We’ve got ourselves a maroon tank top with a tribal skirt. Huh... Mercedes on the other hand, went for a cream colored maid uniform.

“Can I be the princess at least?” Petra inquired, getting a groan from her teacher. While not part of the plan, it couldn’t hurt. Right?

“I guess.” Byleth remarked and looked over her students and single faculty member. “Good work. As you can probably tell, we’re doing a maid cafe because Rhea demands it."

Silence. I'm fairly certain that everyone put two and two together and got that.

"For the moment at least, Catherine might stop on by. She has my permission, as long as she doesn't break any more doors."

The retainer nodded and looked to the broken door. Yep, you did that.

"I will report Count Varley's threat to Rhea." she continued, gaze on both Byleth and Bernadetta. "I trust that you both want to deal with him personally?"

Bernadetta looked away. Please tell me we're not going to have a housewife moment. 

Eventually, her gaze returned to Catherine.

"Yes Ms Catherine." she answered, "I wish to scold such a maid and put them in their place."

Edelgard did a double take. Guess it would seem the two parts want the same thing. At least for now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To answer the question on who taught Mozu 'Fuck', that would be Niles. Which got him blasted. Especially since he then asked if one of them could be a surrogate.
> 
> Nina is adopted, for the record.
> 
> A bit of a break, mostly because I need to port a bunch of stuff to FFnet. But when I return, we'll be taking a break from out students and focusing on the lords near Varley territory. So Caspar and Linhardt's dads.


End file.
